Today is the day. Today I wake up as Britni Spellman and go to sleep as the same girl. I do not become an Ortega. I do not hear "You may now kiss the bride." I do not drive off into my happily ever after. But today I still will make vows. I had already began to work on them before you passed away my love. I still promise you all of these things. I am sorry to keep the post so short, but honestly I do not even know what to say or how to express what I am feeling today. So sweetie, here are my vows to you. I wish nothing more than to be standing in the front of a church in a gorgeous gown, in front of the people who mean the most to us, smiling so hard my face hurts while staring at the most handsome groom in the world while reading these but times are different now and I would do anything to change that but I cannot. So here I am, in my pajamas, tears streaming down my face that is not covered in beautiful airbrush makeup but is streamed with salty tears. I know it is not as glamorous as I had imagined but here it is my love...
"Today is a day I have dreamed of since I can remember. I never imagined I would be standing here with a boy I met when I was just 15. In 2007 you looked at me and told me what's meant to be will always find a way and that you truly believed that. 5 days later you asked me to be your girlfriend. I should have known then you would some day be standing here with me when you asked permission to kiss me in that hallway of our high school. You and I have grown up together which is something many couples can't say. We have matured together and grown into the people we are today. We have made mistakes along the way as any kids do but at the end of the day we love each other and the love I have for you is something that I know people look for their entire lives and some never find it. It is truly a special and magical thing to be loved completely unconditionally and that is what I believe our love is. I have been blessed to see the man you have grown to be and you are the man I am proud to call my husband. You are the man I have dreamt about since I was a little girl. In our 7.5 years together we have been through sickness, health, death, and births and we have concurred them all, growing closer and stronger through each struggle. You have held my hand, dried many tears, and been there for the good and bad times and there have been many of both in our years together. My love for you grows each day more and more and the memories we are making are ones that will last even after this life is gone. I can't wait to begin a life with you and see all that God has planned for us. I can't wait to begin a family with you and raise children to be the amazing people I know they will be if they take after their daddy. I know God's plans for us are absolutely amazing. Today I promise to always support you, challenge you to become a better man each day, hold you accountable, and most importantly I promise to love you more each day than the day before. I promise to be there for you always and to be your equal as we walk in this life together hand in hand. Our relationship has been an adventure and I can only imagine what God has planned for our future as husband and wife. Whatever it may be I can't wait to begin this new journey with you by my side as husband and wife. I love you Johnathon more than these words could ever express. Thank you for choosing me to be your wife and for choosing me to begin a life with. I love you my handsome husband forever and always."
I love you my handsome angel. Please help my heart today. I feel more heartbroken than ever knowing our special day is not coming today. All I ever wanted to be was your wife. I was so proud to call myself that. In my heart I think I always will be. Hold me close my love and hold my hand today and every day after. I love you more than I could ever put into words and today my words are not easy to put together. All I can say and know is that I love you Johnathon Ortega today and every day after and one day I will be back with you and like my picture says no time is too great or distance too far. You are always in my heart and on my mind until the day when I am back in your arms.
Love always,
Mrs. Britni Ortega
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