Waiting...

I have been super busy with work since my last post. Which has been a good thing to keep my mind busy. It is May now. That means the wedding day is quickly approaching. I always thought this week would be filled with manicures, pedicures, hair appointments, makeup trials, and massages. It is now filled with working, sleeping, cooking, cleaning...tasks to keep my mind off May 9th which is quickly approaching. May 9th has been in my mind the happiest date in the world since a very handsome man got down on one knee last January and asked me to stand by his side forever and be his wife. I have been waiting for that day since I was a child. I have been dreaming of it since I was a teenager and finally it had become a reality. My dreams and my reality no longer align. They could not be any more different. I know Johnathon is glad I am staying busy this week. I know he is helping me through each day that comes closer to next Saturday.

I was asked by a friend if they thought I would ever find love again. The answer seems easy to me. I do not think so. That answer seems to offend a lot of people. That answer does not make me sad, surprisingly. I already found love. I found a love that has surpassed all expectations and made it through some of the hardest times. I have a love already. It wasn't lost when John died, it grew stronger. Many people shake their heads and tell me I am so young of course I will find someone one day. I smile and nod and remember that they are entitled to their own opinions. But when I think of my wedding day I still see a tall, dark, and handsome man waiting for me at the end of the aisle and smiling. That man will always be the one I picture at the end of that aisle. Now I sometimes think maybe he is now the man standing outside the gates for me. I hope one day when we are back together he has the same look on his face that he would if he was seeing me for the first time walking down that aisle. I hope he cries, I hope he smiles, I hope he sweeps me off my feet. I spend time wondering what our reunion will be like. The only thing that I can picture is comparing it to walking down that aisle to him on our wedding day. So I may not be walking down that aisle in several days but one day I will walk towards that man and he will be waiting. Sometimes just thinking about that makes this week a little less sad. Of course I know next weekend will be one of the hardest times for me I know one day I will get that wedding I dream of. I always laugh and tell people that John loved keeping me waiting. We dated for 125 years before getting engaged....ok well 6 but still. I have been known to say that I waited that long what more is it to wait for the rest of my lifetime. That man is worth waiting 6 years for, he is worth waiting 60 years for. So I will keep waiting. My heart is taken and I am ok with that. I am ok with being alone because life here is so temporary. John's dad told me that a lifetime here is like 10 seconds in heaven. So once again I got the short end of the stick on this whole waiting thing. But here I am. Waiting. John always told me that I needed to work on my patience, well there he goes again teaching me a lesson. That is so like that man...But I think my patience will be improved through all this. I am blessed. I am lucky. I found the love of my life when I was 15 years old. I spent 7 years of amazing times with him. And one day we will pick up on those 7 years and continue the memories together. Until then, I will wait.

 

Heard this song on the radio the other day and it hit me like it was the first time I had heard it, but I would like to think that is how Johnathon is feeling.

 

"I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-C-IbkuNWs

So wait on me sweetie and I will wait until that blissful day when I am back in your arms, hand in hand. I love you my handsome angel. Always.