Your Smell

Your smell. One of the things that instantly brings me back to cuddling against you on the couch and snuggling up next to you at the movies. It takes me back to the 15 year old girl I was in high school when we first began our love story. I couldn't help but notice how amazing you smelled all the time. I loved being close to you just to take in the scent of your Abercrombie cologne or your Armani Code. That smell somehow has the power to bring me to my knees on some days, on days like today. It can bring me a smile or it can draw out tears. Today it decided to bring out the tears followed by a smile. I find myself clutching your clothes and burying my face in them praying that the smell never fades. I sleep with your t shirt and sweat pants. The same ones you had on the night before you went to the hospital. I had found myself scolding our sweet dog Paisley for laying on your pillow at night with the fear your smell would be replaced with hers. I think she finds comfort in sleeping on your pillow now. I have accepted that maybe that's her way of feeling close to you. Needless to say, she now sleeps on your pillow every night. I have your cologne bottles lined up and will catch myself missing you and going to them and smelling them. Somehow it overwhelms me and makes me feel like you are here with me. They say smells are one of the strongest connections to memories people have and I feel that couldn't be more true. As sad at it is, and I cannot believe I am admitting this, I have your deodorant in our medicine cabinet. I sometimes open it and take in the smell. I remember how you wouldn't go to bed without putting it on. I remember laying with you with my head on your chest and smelling that Old Spice smell from your deodorant as I fell asleep. That is one of the things I miss the most. Being able to lay with you. Even if it was only for a short time because apparently I am like sleeping with a furnace as he said. I miss laying my head on yours and listening to your heartbeat. That memory then takes me back to our last memory of me laying with you and listening to your heart stop beating. What I would give to hear that beating again. I miss feeling it under my hand as I drifted to sleep. I miss you honey. I miss your smell. I miss everything about you. Our guest room closet is filled with your clothes...I could not hold it together enough to keep them in our closet. I am sure I will find myself sitting in there from time to time just smelling your leather jacket, that seems to hold your scent better than anything else. I love you sweetie. I love that I have these things that will forever remind me of you. I have your scent imbedded in my mind. I have you imbedded in my heart.

 

Love sleeping with this shirt. Our four legged son likes to smell it too. He knows it's his daddy's.

 

Our sweet Paisley Grace on your pillow. Can't bring myself to change that pillow case. And honey you know I hate when things don't match...